Called to the Work: In Whom Do You Trust?

Below is a personal experience that I felt like I need to share with you all this week. It's really personal, but there is a great lesson I learned, and I hope you can learn something as well.

On Sunday I was having trouble focusing and feeling the Spirit and I couldn't understand why. I was so angry and confused and feeling like there were so many things to do and I was good at none of them. I couldn't accomplish anything. I was feeling like I was not succeeding at anything and all of this was for nothing. I started to cry and be frustrated to Sister Taylor (my trainer). I said, "I just can't do any of this! I am not good at Spanish and don't have the desire to learn, I can't teach well and say what I want to say, I feel like I am eating really bad, and I don't want to and can't do this anymore. I feel like I am not good at anything and it just frustrates me! I need to make myself learn Spanish, but I don't have the desire. I need to be healthy and I need to teach simply, but I just can't!!" Then Sister Taylor said some things that really changed the way I thought about everything. She said, "Why is God giving you all these things?" I said, "Because He wants me to be humble. Ether 12:27 "I give unto men weakness that they may be humble." God wants me to be humble." Then She said, "So what is humility?" Then I grabbed Preach My Gospel and read Chapter 6: Christlike Attributes under Humility,

"Humility is the willingness to submit to the will of the Lord and to give the Lord the honor for what is accomplished. It includes gratitude for His blessings and acknowledgment of your constant need for His divine help. Humility is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of spiritual strength. When you humbly trust Him and acknowledge His power and mercy, you can have the assurance that His commandments are for your good. You are confident that you can do whatever the Lord requires of you if you rely on Him. You are also willing to trust His chosen servants and follow their counsel. Humility will help you as you strive to be obedient, to work hard, and serve selflessly."

Then I read,

"The opposite of humility is pride, which is condemned in the scriptures. To be prideful means to put greater trust in oneself than in God or in His servants. It also means to put the things of the world above the things of God. Prideful people take honor to themselves rather than giving God the glory. Pride is competitive; those who are prideful seek to have more and presume they are better than other people. Pride usually results in feelings of anger and hatred, and it is a great stumbling block."

I read it with a hard heart, not wanting to really read it. But then she said, "You can't do it on your own! You really can't. You NEED God. You will NEVER measure up without God. Humility is submitting to the will of the Lord. It is an acknowledgment of your CONSTANT NEED FOR HIS DIVINE HELP. When you are humble, you then are confident that you can do whatever the Lord requires of you, ONLY IF you rely on Him. You have to rely on Him, not yourself. Humility is submitting to HIS will, giving GOD the honor, knowing that you need HIM and can't do anything alone, and relying on Him. I think you need to work this out with God. I am going to go into the bedroom to read my scriptures for 15 minutes, I'll see you in a bit."

At this moment I had stopped crying. I was silent. I didn't want to follow what she said, but I got down on my knees, and I said aloud the most fervent, and heartfelt prayer, pouring out my soul to Him. I cried harder than I ever had in the past 12 weeks. I needed to change and I didn't know how and I needed His help.

After that prayer, I opened my eyes and peace rushed over me. I had stopped crying and was silent. I sat there for a bit just thinking about the previous 20 minutes and then got up, washed my face, and thought about what had just happened. Right then and there I committed to doing whatever the Lord asked of me. I would try my hardest to be my best and give Him my all.

That day I learned that there is no other way than to put my faith in HIM and not myself. I need His help and I can't do anything alone, especially on a mission. I NEED Him. I had, and am still on the journey of putting off, a lot of pride. I had a lot of it. I was putting my trust in myself, thinking that all the things I was doing were because of my own efforts. No! That was not the case! I was not relying on God. No wonder why nothing was working out!! I can honestly say that not all of it is gone, but a big chunk of it was let go that day.

I know that we, individually, MUST "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." He will only direct us if we trust in HIM and not in ourselves and we give Him thanks for all that HE does for us (which is everything).

Hermana Zimmerman